One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream. Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed ... read more

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game. But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now." Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole." "My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must've been terrible!" "It was," he said. "All day long it ... read more

Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''

I know when god becomes angry. When teenage girls get pregnant and their parents exclaim, "Oh god! What have you done?!"

Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear ... read more