A guy is sitting in a bar; absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally, the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you will ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when ... read more

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'" The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'" The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'" The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well…?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6’2, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, p ... read more

Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."

Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it. So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep. The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake. "Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?" William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!" And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary." Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question. "Who died on the cross for our sins?" William pokes Mary again. ... read more

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s te ... read more