On the ninth day, God said, "Let there be soccer." And it was good. Later on that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence." God said, "Let it be called the Manchester United." Later that day, God said, "Even Man U needs idiots." So HE made their fans.

In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested. Then he created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment. They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."