Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat.

 679

1  

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."

 919

0  

On the ninth day, God said, "Let there be soccer." And it was good. Later on that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence." God said, "Let it be called the Manchester United." Later that day, God said, "Even Man U needs idiots." So HE made their fans.

 1252

0  

Q: Why do blacks have flat noses? A: That's where God put his foot when he pulled off their tails.

 353

0  

How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.

 775

0