Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.

Q: What did the dentist say to the computer? A: This won't hurt a byte

Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.

A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Serv ... read more

Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.