A: "I was born in California." B: "Which part?" A: "All of me."

 714

0  

A local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind. I’ve been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

 397

1  

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

 740

0  

I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me, Because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity. My dad beat the crap out of me again.

 384

0  

Interviewer: Do you speak English? Applicant: Yes Interviewer: Name? Applicant: Gurmeet Ram and from India Interviewer: Sex? Applicant: Three to five times a week. Interviewer: No, no… I mean male or female? Applicant: Yes, male, female, sometimes Pig. Interviewer: Holy cow! Applicant: No Cow she is our mother and we drink her piss. Interviewer: But isn’t it hostile? Applicant: Horse style, doggy style, any style! Interviewer: Oh dear! Applicant: No, no! Deer runs too fast.

 727

0