I visited my EX girlfriend and she gave me food. After a few second their dog came in and started to jump over and I said “this dog loves visitors” A child replied, “No! No! Uncle, the problem is that you are using its plate”.

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John: Do you have a girlfriend Harry? Harry: Yes John John: Nice. Where is she from? Harry: From a different nation John: Oh really? Which nation? Harry: From my imagiNATION.

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A man meets an accident with his new Ferrari. A policeman arrives. Man: (Cried) Officer! My brand new car! Police: You’re such a materialistic person. You even haven’t notice that your left arm has been cut off. Man: (He looks at his left arm and yells) OMG! My Rolex watch!

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Son: Give me money for gym Mom: Will you become John Cena by going to the gym? Son: Am I becoming Einstein by going to school?

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Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd."

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