A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend.
He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death.
His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
890
0
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory."
Friend: "What did he do?"
Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
1716
3
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
3360
1
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
1414
1
Two friends talk:
"Hi, what are you doing?"
"Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card."
"Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?"
"No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
