My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

 1668

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A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."

 758

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When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

 4270

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Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.

 4130

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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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