Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

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Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

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When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

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Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

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You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

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