One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed. Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer to ... read more

Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."