When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

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Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

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Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

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Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

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