(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

 900

2  

Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

 1353

0  

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

 1654

1  

Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.

 4122

1  

Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."

 1351

0