My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

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(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

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Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

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Get bad marks, relatives will insult you. Get good marks, friends will insult you.

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