Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."

 1267

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Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

 3002

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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

 1868

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A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."

 683

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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.

 3182

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