My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
 1963
1  

When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
 1795
3  

One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed. Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer to ... read more
 1969
0  

'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
 2336
1  

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
 1401
1