You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."

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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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Get bad marks, relatives will insult you. Get good marks, friends will insult you.

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