Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!

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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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I kind a feel sorry for Hitler. Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

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