What is the best type of ship? FRIENDSHIP!

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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.

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Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

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I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

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