So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

 1206

0  

I kind a feel sorry for Hitler. Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

 23230

4  

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

 1649

1  

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

 2049

0  

I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

 773

3