When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

 4405

1  

Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

 3146

2  

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

 2322

0  

 738

1  

(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

 1027

2