When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"

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Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

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Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.

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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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