I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

 835

3  

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

 1301

0  

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

 3879

1  

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

 1967

1  

Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."

 1550

1