You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

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Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."

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(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

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