*How girls become friends* Omg I love your shoes! *How guys become friends* Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.

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Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

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Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."

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Get bad marks, relatives will insult you. Get good marks, friends will insult you.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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