I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

 905

6  

"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."

 812

1  

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.

 3344

1  

Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!

 726

1  

I kind a feel sorry for Hitler. Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

 23546

4