What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
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Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
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A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
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Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple. Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
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Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
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