Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside. He is gone for a long time. When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." "Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks. The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I' ... read more

Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.

Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Yo' Mama is so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

Q: What is a Democratic Free Market? A: One that hands out slices of cheese.