I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

 1750

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Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.

 241

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Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.

 54

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Why did the horses kept saying orange juice? Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!

 42

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