What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.” I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine ... read more

Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.

Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her strip steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.

Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.