Facebook is like a fridge. Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.

Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" The gay guy turned t ... read more

Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.

What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.

I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.