Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
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A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
"Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
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Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm."
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The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.