When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.

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Yo mama is so poor, I went to her place for dinner the other day, and when I asked what we were having, she put her foot up on the table and said "corn !".

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Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

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I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.

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A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

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