When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.

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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

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At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”

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Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.

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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.

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