Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, ... read more

Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A. A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat.