Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?'' "Hell no," Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. "Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?" "I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said. So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!" "I didn't." Jeff said. "They're your pants."

If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.

Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.

Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.