Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.

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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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Yo' Mama is so nasty, her farts are classified as biological weapons.

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Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

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What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

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