While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family: "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!" "What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly. Proudly she replied: "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"

A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."

Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"

Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautifu ... read more

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"