Q: "What do you call a Muslim shrink? A: A terrorpist."

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Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people? A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.

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We have so many nationalities. It's gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you're in just by the ethnic group that works there. It's like, if Chinese people work there, you're in a Chinese neighborhood; if black people work there, you're in a black neighborhood; if white people work there, then you're in Utah.

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Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood? A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.

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Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.

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