A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...

If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up

I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.

Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass.

A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender. The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duc ... read more