Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.

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I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house. I ain't lying. I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint. Finally, I said, "Damn, this brother will never come home!"

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Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"

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Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.

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Cocaine is Addicted to Chuck Norris.

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