Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.

If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made m ... read more

Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?" Patient: "What pills?"

An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!" "Sorry, we are sold out..."