How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'

 652

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I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.

 276

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A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards. Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game. Aftere watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other player's and whispers " Wow, that's a really smart dog!". The man whispers backs "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail!"

 398

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

 543

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What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

 395

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