When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.

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A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”

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Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."

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Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?" Patient: "I think I’m a chicken." Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?" Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"

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Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?" Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."

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