If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!

 202

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Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."

 225

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Q: Did you hear about the annoying midget who went to a nudist colony? A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.

 210

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Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nursing home.

 839

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Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

 189

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