A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life. The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood." So god turned him into a maxi pad.

The poop list: -Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet. -Clean Poop: You poop, it's in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper. -Second Wave Poop: You're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you're not done. -Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling. -Corn Poop: Self-explanatory. -Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water. -Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn't smell. -The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, and you just p ... read more

Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom. The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet. The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can. The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain." The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!" The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark. First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."

Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."

Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air. Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.