What's grosser than gross? When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall. What's grosser than that? When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted. The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets. He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them. The husband looked confused again. He asked the clerk, “What the hell do I do with these damn things?” The clerk replied, “Well, you're supposed to scratch the box and see if you've won anything.” The wife looked disgusted. "Oh please," she muttered. "What?" asked the clerk. "Oh nothing," she answered, "it's just that, well, he's been scratching down there for ... read more

Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.

What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.