What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina? Putting in twelve and sucking out thirteen.

 159

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Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."

 396

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3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious. "How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?" "Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."

 142

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Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth? A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.

 150

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Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary? A: It runs in your genes.

 137

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