How do you make stew out of a leper? Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common? A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.

Q: How do you recycle a condom? A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.

LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga. LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina". When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!" "Don't disrespect me! I be her mama. I can names her anything I want." When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"

Q: What's brown and in the military? A: Gomer's pile.