A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him. "You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

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Why does the witch not wear panties when flying? Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.

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What did the dad say when his son said, "Dad I'm tired of walking in circles?" "Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."

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What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.

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Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

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