What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.

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Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water? A: A soggy butt.

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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.

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An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

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A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.

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