Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
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Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A: A new last name.
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Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water? A: A soggy butt.
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A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate. So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch. Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too. Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week. Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each. The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch. "S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.
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What's grosser than gross? A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
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