Q: Whats the height of desperation? A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.

Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.

What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.

I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.

A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappe ... read more