What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.

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Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.

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Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: The taste

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A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"

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An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.

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