Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A: A new last name.

What's gross? Farting in the bathtub. What's grosser than that? Catching the bubbles with your teeth.

Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."

A: What does 70-year-old p***y taste like? A: Depends.

A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate. So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch. Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too. Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week. Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each. The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch. "S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.