Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead? A: Depth perception.

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Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."

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Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary? A: It runs in your genes.

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One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!” The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”

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A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k. He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce."

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