An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die. As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk." And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!" "Why? I want to smoke so much." "If you bend... we both are dead!"

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Roses are red tulips are black. You'd look great with a knife in your back.