Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
 403
0  

Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
 250
0  

Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's side. "Sleep now, it's all right," he told her. But she kept trying to sit up and said, "Honey, I really need to tell you something." Finally Jake let her get it off her chest. "Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father." "Don't worry about it," Jake said, "I already know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
 287
0  

You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
 9000
3  

Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself? A: Because nobody understood him.
 364
1