The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.

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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"

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Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris once strangled a man with the mans own eyelash.

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Question: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out? Answer: He died laughing.

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