About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
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Q: What is a redneck's last words? A: Hold my beer and watch this!
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A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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