When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.

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First man: "I follow the medical profession." Second man: "Are you a doctor?" First man: "No, I'm an undertaker."

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Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

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Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."

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If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.

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