Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.

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In "I Am Legend", Will Smith survived alone for years. 24 hours after a woman shows up, he dies. AND that girl stole his bacon.

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!

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English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.

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Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."

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