Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.

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A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. "What are you doing." they ask her. So she replies "Hanging myself." The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck." The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."

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Chuck Norris once stared death in the face... Death pissed his pants.

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Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."

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My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

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