Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
 270
0  

A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England." The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
 104
0  

Q: What is a redneck's last words? A: Hold my beer and watch this!
 3227
1  

You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
 8999
3  

Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
 421
0