A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.” The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.” “No, you have to take it,” says the blonde. “I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”

The Expendables 2 is actually a documentary film showing Chuck Norris killing people.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.

You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.