It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.

 883

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When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.

 388

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Chuck Norris kills 100% of germs.

 210

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Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

 289

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Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.

 87

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