Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"

Sticks and stones may break your bones but Chuck Norris' fists will kill you.

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Smith, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Smith his mother died. Coul ... read more