My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.

A man was in a bar one evening, when a drunk wandered over, shouting at the man "I pulled your mum just now!" the sober man just ignored him and carried on drinking. About half an hour later the drunk wandered over again. This time he said: "Your mum just gave me a BJ and swallowed" again the man ignored and carried on talking to his mates. Soon the very drunk man wandered over and shouted at the poor man: "I just fucked your mum, using every posistion possible." Eventally the man bored of this idiot, turned around and said "Go home dad, you're drunk."

Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.

I like black people . . . . . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!