Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves. “Daddy, were you in a war?” “Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be. Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his fat ... read more