There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!" "I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!" The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string. The woman said, "You're going out as that?" "Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out ... read more

Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.

An old couple gets pulled over and... Lady cop:"May I see you license and registration sir?" Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?" Old wife:"She needs to see you license and registration dear." The old man hands it to the lady cop and... Lady cop:"Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had." Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?" Old wife:"Nothing dear, she thinks she used to know you."

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

A couple was touring the capitol in Washington, DC, and the guide pointed out a tall, benevolent gentleman as the congressional chaplain. The lady asked, "What does the chaplain do? Does he pray for the Senate or House?" The guide answered, "No, he gets up, looks at both houses of Congress, then prays for the country!"