A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub. The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks. Police suspect a cereal killer.

If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made m ... read more

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people? 17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job. 16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer. 15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. 14. Bad cop. No donut. 13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you? 12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. ... read more

A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road.   She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"