A lot of people are desperate today.
A fellow walked up to me, he said, "You see a cop around here?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Stick 'em up!"
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"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."
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Q: What do u call a police officer that works in bed?
A: A undercover cop.
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According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you....
Unless your name happens to be Bruce.
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There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."
