Boy: (calls 911) Hello, I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what’s your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
1004
0
Wife was in the ICU
Doctor: It seems she is in a coma
Husband: Please save her doctor. She is just 30
Suddenly the ECG started beeping, a hand moved and her lips mumbled.
And she spoke: I’m not 30, I’m just 29.
993
1
Teacher: Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?
Little Johnny: No… I just feel bad that you’re standing alone.
1141
1
On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?"
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."
982
0
A man was complaining to a railroad engineer.
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The railroad engineer replied.
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
