Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
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The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
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Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
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An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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