Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
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Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
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