What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.

Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!

The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.

Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one o ... read more