A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play ... read more

Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.

Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.

Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!

One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"