Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.

 2008

1  

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.

 1323

0  

Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

 2406

1  

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?" "Sure. That's easy," said one man. "What is it?" "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." "What, what?" reasked the instructor. "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

 827

1  

Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? A: CSI

 610

1