If Chuck Norris appears in your dream, don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.

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When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.

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How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones? The punchlines are too long.

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I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.

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What is it? Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but doesn’t use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi’s. What is it? The answer is: "A Last Name..." You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?

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