Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson

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Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time

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If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.

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I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.

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What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.

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