If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.

 313

0  

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."

 1835

1  

Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

 469

0  

Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"

 803

0  

What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!

 1144

2