How to give a cat a pill. 1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process. 3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger ... read more

Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane? A: Kitty-hawk

Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.

Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.