I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.

 506

0  

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."

 906

0  

Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."

 654

0  

Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.

 1450

2  

What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!

 1293

2