I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
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*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"
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Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
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Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance? A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
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As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
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