My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot.

Q: How do you keep black youth off the streets? A: Put a KFC on the sidewalk

Q: What is it called when a black women is in labour? A: Constipation

Leeroy is talking to his parents about his problems: "Mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls, they always call me a nigger - why is that? "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black." "And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they are nice to the white boys and girls?" "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black." Then Leroy grins and says "Well, whenever I'm in the shower with the white boys I notice that my penis is much bigger than their penises." "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are 37."