What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile.

Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few g ... read more

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.

Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.