What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? Ended a race.

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In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters: I have a good and a bad news for you. The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots. All the sisters start whistling happily. But one of them asks: What are the bad news? Carrots came grated.

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Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo? A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.

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A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

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Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."

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