I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.

Q: What is height of Suicide? A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!

Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few g ... read more