How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
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What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.
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A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
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I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
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