How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.
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What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
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Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.
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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
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A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
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