What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

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How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.

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What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan.

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Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window. If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.

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My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool. I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..." "That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."

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