What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.

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I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.

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The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.

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Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."

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