Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
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"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor." "But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."
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Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
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Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
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Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
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