Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary." Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"

 277

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A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

 217

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A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

 505

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A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

 1332

1  

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

 1433

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