What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.

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So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest. They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper. The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!" The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"

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How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.

 302

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My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.

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Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.

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