Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.

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Why did the nigger cross the road? Who the fuck cares, why is he out of the cotton field?

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Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"

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What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.

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If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.

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