Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs. Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs. Please do not die Kevin Bacon.

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The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.

 184

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Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.

 262

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Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.

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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

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