There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.

How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.

Did you hear about the black guy that died on the highway? He stuck his head out the window and his lips beat him to death.

Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!

How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.