Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.

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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

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Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.

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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.

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In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters: I have a good and a bad news for you. The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots. All the sisters start whistling happily. But one of them asks: What are the bad news? Carrots came grated.

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