Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.

What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one o ... read more

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine. I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.