The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

Chuck Norris gave birth to himself because nobody else is capable (or could even live) to give birth to Chuck Norris.

You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran ... read more