If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.

You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an ... read more

Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever... I wonder where shes going ?

Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.