You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
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Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
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