A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an ... read more
 1136
0  

For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.
 508
0  

If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
 852
3  

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
 570
0  

What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
 703
1