What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.

Chuck Norris gave birth to himself because nobody else is capable (or could even live) to give birth to Chuck Norris.

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?” Little Joe told him: “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and ... read more

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.

The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...