I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnan ... read more

Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."

In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”