No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?

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If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy alcohol...

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My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror...

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'

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A guy was meeting a friend in a bar, and as he walked in he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his friend, "but when I walked in they were speaking German"

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