How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.

What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."

Mr. Wilson comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. "I have great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.” The next day, Mrs. Wilson receives a telephone call from AEC (Atlanta Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. “Am I speaking to Mrs. Wilson?” “Yes. Speaking.” AEC guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!” “How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman. “Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the AEC guy. “What are you sayin ... read more

Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A: A baby in a microwave!

Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.