What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
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What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy."
Jimmy says, "Now!
I can see why they threw him out!
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I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying.
Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby.
I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
