Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
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What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.
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Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
 390
6  

A frightened investor goes to his financial planner and asks if he’s at all worried about the volatility of the markets these days. The planner replies that he sure does! In fact, he says that he sleeps like a baby. The frightened investor was amazed! "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?" "Yup! I sleep for a couple of hours, and then I wake up and I cry for a couple of hours."
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Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
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