Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here." The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here." The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer." The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?" He proudly replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."

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When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.

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A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".

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Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".

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What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.

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