Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.

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What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."

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Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.

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How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.

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A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

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