How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.

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Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!

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A frightened investor goes to his financial planner and asks if he’s at all worried about the volatility of the markets these days. The planner replies that he sure does! In fact, he says that he sleeps like a baby. The frightened investor was amazed! "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?" "Yup! I sleep for a couple of hours, and then I wake up and I cry for a couple of hours."

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A 65 year old blonde has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.” Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”

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Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarea and thought he was melting.

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