Every spring, as soon as the snows thawed, a certain mountain woman would come down into town, have a baby and gather supplies for the summer. After a few years of this, she looked despairingly at the doctor and said, "Doctor, I don't know how much more of this I can handle. We got us eight kids now and I just don't know how we can go on. I gotta do something about having all these babies or I'll just lose my mind!" The doctor scratched his head and wondered how to gently instruct the woman on how to curb her ordeal and finally told her to pick up a ten-gallon bucket along with her supplies ... read more

Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.

Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!

Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!

Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.