Q: What's brown and taps on the window?
A: A baby in a microwave!
352
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My wife is so negative.
I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
442
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Which branch of the military do babies join?
The infantry!
410
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A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him.
Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him.
He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.
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Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half."
Me: [visibly confused]
Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
