What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.

How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.

Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail fo ... read more

Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarea and thought he was melting.