The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

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Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.

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How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.

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Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."

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