Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.

Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.  Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"  The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.  Then one stormy night on the Paci ... read more

If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.

What is a moo hoo for a delightful ranch owner? A charmer farmer.