"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

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A drunk on his way home from a bar one night realizes that he has dropped his keys. He gets down on his hands and knees and starts groping around beneath a lamppost. A policeman asks what he’s doing. "I lost my keys in the park,” says the drunk. "Then why are you looking for them under the lamppost?” asks the puzzled cop. "Because,” says the drunk, "that’s where the light is.”

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Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street.

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Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

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What's a difference between a blond and a mosquito? once you smack a mosquito it stops sucking

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