I drink to steady my nerves. Last night I got so steady I couldn’t move.

 188

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A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

 189

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A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."

 402

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It’s people that give drinking a bad name.

 165

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One cure for a cold consists of three shots of whisky. There are better remedies, but most people don’t want to hear them.

 154

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