A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

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Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

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The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.

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A white horse goes into a bar, and orders a pint of bitter. "Blimey," the barman says, "we sell a whisky named after you." "What, Eric?" says the horse.

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He drank so much beer that when he ate a peanut you could hear the splash.

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