Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.

You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."

Yo mama is so old, that when she farts all that comes out is dust.

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed ... read more