What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.

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Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.

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A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."

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Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."

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It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.

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