Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.

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An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."

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How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.

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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

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Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

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