What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
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Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
A: Lazy.
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Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.