Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."

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Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.

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Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.

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An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"

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How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.

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