Q: What is the definition of "accountant"?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
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Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.
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Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
A: Lazy.
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Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
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Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant?
She charges an arm and a leg.