Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

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Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.

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An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"

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How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.

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Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? A: Jail.

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