Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.

Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I d ... read more