I hate sitting in a seat warmed by someone else..

 845

0  

An evil person is like a dirty window, they never let the light shine through.

 774

2  

I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind.

 838

0  

I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I? “Peanut Butter”.

 867

0  

Me: "Why am I still single?" Brain: "You're weird as shit." Body: "And you're fat." Face: "Plus you're ugly." Food: "But I'm here for you."

 757

0