My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch".

 823

0  

An evil person is like a dirty window, they never let the light shine through.

 750

2  

My idea of “friends with benefits” is another one of my friends doing my laundry. What were you people thinking.. I have morals.

 780

0  

What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and squishy? What?! It’s bubble gum. Jeez, what were you thinking?!

 761

0  

Hands are so overrated..I think I’ll use my mouth..

 854

1