I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

 861

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Woman without curves is like a road without bends…. You may get to your destination quicker, but the ride is boring as hell.

 901

1  

I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I? “Peanut Butter”.

 955

1  

Me: "Why am I still single?" Brain: "You're weird as shit." Body: "And you're fat." Face: "Plus you're ugly." Food: "But I'm here for you."

 837

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Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together :)

 914

1