What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and squishy? What?! It’s bubble gum. Jeez, what were you thinking?!

 776

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Me: "Why am I still single?" Brain: "You're weird as shit." Body: "And you're fat." Face: "Plus you're ugly." Food: "But I'm here for you."

 735

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Needs to wash his mind out with soap..

 835

0  

Don’t call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your glasses.

 792

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I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind.

 813

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