People say I have a dirty mind But I say its just creative

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My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch".

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I hate sitting in a seat warmed by someone else..

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Age, like distance lends a double charm.

 796

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Me: "Why am I still single?" Brain: "You're weird as shit." Body: "And you're fat." Face: "Plus you're ugly." Food: "But I'm here for you."

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