I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

 796

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My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch".

 866

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Don’t call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your glasses.

 822

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Woman without curves is like a road without bends…. You may get to your destination quicker, but the ride is boring as hell.

 829

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Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together :)

 838

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