My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch".

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I just love getting dirty.

 895

2  

Not all cute guys have girlfriends, most of them have boyfriends…

 911

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Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it’s wide use 3 fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.

 866

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Me: "Why am I still single?" Brain: "You're weird as shit." Body: "And you're fat." Face: "Plus you're ugly." Food: "But I'm here for you."

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