I hate sitting in a seat warmed by someone else..

 808

0  

Me: "Why am I still single?" Brain: "You're weird as shit." Body: "And you're fat." Face: "Plus you're ugly." Food: "But I'm here for you."

 719

0  

Knows the real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile..

 829

4  

My idea of “friends with benefits” is another one of my friends doing my laundry. What were you people thinking.. I have morals.

 781

0  

If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are bitextual.

 772

0