Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."

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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

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Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.

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Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

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Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A. Divorcee'

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